Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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