I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize