What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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