Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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