A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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