Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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