if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize