Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize