someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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