he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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