Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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