What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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