DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So here I am, sexting at work.
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