I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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