I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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