i don't like sucking hair
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize