In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize