I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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