My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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