I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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