the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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