No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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