I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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