considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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