he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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