im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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