pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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