i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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