So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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