Those balls look pretty dangerous.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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