I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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