my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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