Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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