My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize