8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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