they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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