u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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