drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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