You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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