Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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