I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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