Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize