I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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