This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize