so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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