he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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