was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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