So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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