nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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