Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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